He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
