I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You are a genius and a whore.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
