so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
