Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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