Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize