I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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