I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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