so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my shit smells like andre
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
