That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
