I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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