now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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