Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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