Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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