Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
