he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
