He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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