I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
