I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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