if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
