The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
