so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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