no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
