The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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