remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
