If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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