do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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