Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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