I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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