I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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