You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I CAN MOONWALK!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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