I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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