Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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