Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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