Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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