is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
