sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's official drugs can't kill me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I party with great urgency now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
