Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
