she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
