i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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