I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
