I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
