oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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