dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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