i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
