theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i will never coherently bang her
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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