Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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