woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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