Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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