Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
