My sheets look like a crime scene.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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