his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
