come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i out mim tonsoeep
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