why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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