conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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