I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
