Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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