just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
