i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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